A friend of mine writes a very good semi-political blog that makes my little baby blog feel well babyish. Check him out at Borrowed Suits. His "domestic partner" and I were talking recently. Her name is Jayme and she complimented Trixie and I. She said she thought that it was nice that we didn't lose our identity as individuals when we became parents. She and I decided that that happens far too often in both parenting and marriage or relationships.
People tend to lose their identity to mold to the new relationship. That seems to go to the root of my dilemma with raising a child in today's society. We live in a world where every kid is so super special and everyone gets an award and no one keeps score and everything little Joey or Jane does is wonderful. Their whole childhood everyone is telling them how special and wonderful they are, and they are led to believe that they are "kind of a big deal."
Now, I don't think that we need to be mean to our children but I feel like we are doing a severe injustice to them. It's too easy to become arrogant and narcissistic with whole lives devoted to making kids feel special. Our lives have natural changed and we have adjusted to Mia's needs and will continue to do so, and of course I want her to feel special. Where does it end? I also want her to know what it takes to be dedicated to something, to being good at something, to be modest and sincere and humble -- to a certain extent.
Another friend of mine says she stumbles through parenting, she doesn't think anyone really knows what to do. She hopes that if she gives enough love then when her child is older she will know where to go to get affection.
I guess the comment about identity struck me so soundly because it's so true in life and just the opposite of what is needed. We are three separate people and should not be defined by each other only augmented, perhaps bettered.
Let me lastly point out the irony and my own hypocrisy. The blog by nature has a pretentious assumption that people are dying to know your opinion. And this blog is solely dedicated to tell all those interested parties how special and wonderful the Little M. is.
1 comment:
My favorite phrase has always been "spousal equivalent." Feel free to use it.
A movie I loved a few years ago was Mad Hot Ballroom. 5th graders in the NYC school system learn competative ballroom dancing and actually compete against others in the city. One thing they pointed out a few times is that the kids have to learn how to lose. The bulk of the movie is about kids learning they have to work hard to be the best. It's good stuff.
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